I miss my ‘kids’. Not in a sad light, but in an I love them so much I can’t get enough of them light. I see and communicate with them regularly as adults and I love that, too, of course. Anyone who knows me one little bit knows what a shamelessly mushy mumma I am.
Sometimes I just wish I could go back in time to visit. With the knowledge that I have now and the stronger body I had back then, I would spend that precious time snuggling them as infants, playing with them as children, travelling and hanging out with them as teens. Being present in a way that I wasn’t able to be when I was a younger woman with the stresses of the world to juggle.
My favourite moments are the ones that I spend with the people I love. Even with our huge family, at our gatherings, I love to spend time chatting with all my aunts, uncles, cousins, extended cousins – all of them. Each and every one – but there never seems to be enough time! Especially since I moved across the country.
One plus about social media is the ability to see the sweet moments that my family and friends share. First day of school photos, Halloween photos, engagement photos, wedding photos, vacation photos, anniversaries, memories, birthdays… Their posts and all of the encouragement and congratulations from each other are like little visits in between when we can see – and of course, hug – each other next.
Scrolling through the photos and old videos that I’ve digitized and flipping through the numerous photo albums that I’ve accumulated over the years gives me the opportunity to visit my children at various ages and stages through my memories. In the process, I also get to visit the friends and family who have moved on in one respect or another. I am so glad that I have always been a picture taker and video maker! And I’m glad that selfies are now a thing. I’ll bet many more children grow up thankful to have photos of the moms/dads that would otherwise have been behind the camera more often than in front of it.
Seeing and hearing my grandmother in the videos reminds me of her strength, humour, love and grace. Even through the biggest challenges in her life, she would jokingly respond to the question “how are you feeling” by holding them up and saying “with my hands” – always with a little giggle and glint in her eyes. The memories of helping her in the garden feel like her warm hugs. I hung onto her every word when she taught me how to make great growing soil and identified the various plants throughout her award-winning gardens. I enjoyed that almost as much as the raspberries and cream we would share afterward in the cozy kitchen that held memories of crowded family gatherings, delicious meals and many helping hands with the dishes.
I was not prepared for the rush of joy and all-consuming love that is being a granny. I am also reminded of why I am glad I had my kids in my early 20’s! Watching my daughter with her children is much like visiting myself, although she’s a new, improved version and being with those grandchildren… YEP – it’s like a beautiful gift from the universe that says – here you go – play, snuggle, and shower them with love. A gift that brings me back to raising my children while also giving my child the gift of knowing that I am there to provide that little extra granny TLC – just like my mom does.
And off I go to make more memories with the people I love. The most valuable and precious gift that we have is time. I soak up as much as I can with every visit with lots of hugs and kisses to carry me through the space, however short or long, until our next visit.
Meditating on Memories
I released the third video on my YouTube meditation channel @meditationsforlife. Brew yourself a coffee or tea, get comfy and enjoy a visit to some of your favourite memories while you listen to the peaceful music designed to relax your mind. If you are enjoying the series, please like, subscribe and share with anyone who you think might enjoy it.
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